Cornish born Kieran Burgess, Became the first ever Beer Belly weight champion of the world on Friday night as he defeated the title holder Mustafa Handguard at Islington’s Glamorous Dogshit Park. The 8ft 6inch boxer who now is a Bexley resident won on points after the judges; Garry Glitter (Obviously having evacuated from Japan), Yogi Bear and Simon Cowell all tallied up a Burgess win. Reports also suggested that Louis Walsh was in the crowd somewhere too but he had no influence or impact on the judging panel.
The 3 round bout was watched by hundreds of fans as the air conditioning in the place wasn’t working. They did a great job in keeping the place a good temperature though. The attendance wasn’t bad either, with Lofty bringing a travelling Army from Bexley of 30 young men and 2 OAP’s. The support the Bexley Bruiser gained during the fight was electrifying and really created an atmosphere that would be envied down the Den.
Lofty started the Fight well keeping close to his opponent and cutting the ring short with his quick footwork and mobility. Every Punch landed was greeted with a Cheer from the Bexley Crowd, even when lofty took a few to the mush as well. It took Kieran the first 2 rounds to land any real punches to his opponent who was wearing his Harley Davidson Motor bike helmet during the fight. Reports have suggested that this was to hide his identity as Deniz Safer did not want to reveal himself as the true opponent in case of an embarrassing defeat, this of course is not verified information, but just reports. Kieran eventually wore his opponent down with his jab, jab, bear hug technique and this is what most impressed the judges… especially Yogi.
The faithful Bexley supporters drank a lot of beer after and eventually caught the train home in a civilised manor and was completed by British Rail for there Good behaviour. David Suarez from Liverpool who witnessed the fans on the tube said “They were a very well mannered crowd”.
Harry Potter who also happened to be on the train however had a different opinion, “I thought they were a bunch of lairy, drunk, hooligans whose yobbish behaviour really make a statement about British society but apart from the 2 OAP’s I’m talking about the rest of the crowd was ok”.
All in all, the fight was a success and one that will go down in the Burgess Family History as one of its proudest moments, along with Kieran’s 1 day career in the Navy.
Bexley’s Chief News Correspondent/ Linesman
Tom Hopkins
